


Don't tell me lies, don't say goodbye

by AStarlightMonbebe



Series: One Shots [1]
Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Aftermath of the final episode, Inspired by Hello Remake, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 20:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11767641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AStarlightMonbebe/pseuds/AStarlightMonbebe
Summary: Minhyun hasn't called Jonghyun in a while.(Jonghyun misses Minhyun)





	Don't tell me lies, don't say goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I miss Minhyun. I miss Jonghyun. I see them both of course, especially with Wanna One's lit debut, but it doesn't feel right. Because they need to be together. They belong together. I'm still really salty about the finale. I miss seeing them together.  
> I got this idea from listening to the 2017 remake of Hello. I was reminded of it this week and I basically wrote this in two days. So I'm sorry if it's crap. I just needed to write it, you know?  
> Anyway, the title is from Hello too. Again, I apologize if it's badly written. You'll also notice Jonghyun's perspective is longer. It's kind of meant to be like that. Enjoy.

Jonghyun misses Minhyun. Every day, every night, the ache in his chest only growing. He goes along with life, but at night, when the other members were asleep, he opens his phone. Minhyun hasn’t called him in weeks. Then again, Jonghyun hasn’t exactly called him. After all, Minhyun was probably busy preparing for a debut with Wanna One.

He went on with his business with the rest of Nu’est, now back at Pledis with Aron. He’d missed Aron, of course he had, but every time he saw Aron he couldn’t help wishing that Minhyun was there instead. It was a selfish thing to wish. He should be happy that Minhyun was happy with Wanna One, was successful and popular even. _If Minhyun is happy._ Jonghyun wants to believe that Minhyun hasn’t suffered like he had. He wants to believe that Minhyun has settled in and isn’t giving Jonghyun himself a second  
thought. That he hasn’t been waiting for a text or a call like Jonghyun himself.

When he learns that they’re remaking Hello, he nearly cries. That night, after they’ve given out redistribution, Jonghyun lies in bed and stares at the lit screen of his phone. He’s been doing that alot lately, and it’s silly, because he can’t call or text Minhyun and that means Minhyun doesn’t have to call or text him either. But he still waits every night until exhaustion takes over.

Minki is going to be singing Minhyun’s part in Hello and it feels wrong to Jonghyun. They could just produce a new song, they should just, but it of course makes more sense to remake a new one since the fans are waiting for something to happen. But Jonghyun can’t shake the feeling that Pledis is trying to push Minhyun away and into the shadows, as if he was never a part of Nu’est to begin with.

He tells himself that he can make that not happen by throwing everything he has into Hello. So he does, rapping until his throat is raw, until the words flow as smoothly off his tongue as they did years ago. He dances too, freestyling like he did before he had people to teach and dances to learn and bands to promote with. A band to promote with. A band that exists now and yet doesn’t, because the band he used to be with was a band with Minhyun.

As Hello is nearing to release date and they’ve already been in and out of the recording studio several times, Aron and he hold a Vlive. It’s just to talk to the fans, answer questions. Dongho and Minki are too busy to do it with them and they joke how it can just be a rapper line thing. Jonghyun doesn’t mind. He likes Aron, and he feels extremely guilty for even wishing that Aron wasn’t there, that Minhyun was there instead. 

During the Vlive, Aron addresses the incident with him wearing a sweater. Aron says something about laundry, but all Jonghyun can think about is Minhyun. Minhyun and his ridiculous sweaters and stupid broad shoulders and how those sweaters look on those shoulders. 

 

 _“Aigoo, it’s soooo cooooooold.” Jonghyun shivers, wrapping his arms around himself. It’s late November, a light dusting of snow covers the ground, and his jacket is sitting back in the dorms. It’s too late to go back now, and all he can think about is it draped over a chair, warm and fuzzy._

_Minhyun rolls his eyes. “We’ll be at the cafe soon enough.” They’re meeting Aron, Dongho, and Minki there. It’s a rare free day, and hardly anyone recognizes them so the management let them go out. His heart hurts whenever he thinks about how other groups in their company can hardly walk outside without being swamped, and they’re here, just walking. Maybe in the Face era there was a brief period of time when that was their life, but not now._

_“The cafe is still several blocks away. I’ll be an ice cube by that time.” Jonghyun pouts grumpily. Minhyun sighs, then he’s shrugging off his sweater, revealing a white tee underneath. The sweater was one that had been washed too many times, so it stretches all the way over his hands and bunches around his hips, a pale purple._

_“Arms up.” Minhyun commands. Jonghyun stares at him in confusion. Blowing hair out of his eyes, Minhyun pokes him in the side. “We’re sharing idiot.” Jonghyun tries not to blush. “Well fine then.” He put his arms up and Minhyun managed to stretch the sweater over them both. It’s considerably warmer, Jonghyun can feel himself toasting already, but it requires him and Minhyun to practically be stuck together. It also serves as a reminder that Minhyun is several inches taller than him._

_“Stop trying to squirm away.” Minhyun grabs his free hand and yanks him along the snow dusted sidewalk. Jonghyun looks down and /doesn’t/ think about how close they are. When he looks up, Minhyun’s smiling._

 

The memory abruptly ends when Aron asks him something. There’s a joke made about his spaciness and then the Vlive continues as if nothing happened. Nothing did happen. It was just a memory of what things used to be like with him and Minhyun. Before now, before this distant that stretches like an ocean between them.

It wasn’t like they fought, or anything even close to that. It might be because he didn’t. He didn’t fight hard enough to make it into Wanna One, or he didn’t fight to change the results, or whatever. Jonghyun tries to forget the final elimination, because everytime he does he thinks about Minhyun and he doesn’t want to think of Minhyun because he highly doubts that Minhyun is thinking about him. Why would he be? He had Wanna One now.

The next day Jonghyun finally finishes recording. Management lets them each have a rough copy to listen too, in case they have any last minute changes they want to make. Jonghyun lies in his bed and plugs in his earbuds, listening to the full song for the first time. As the beginning notes play and the first ‘yeoboseyo’ he expects to hear Minhyun’s beautiful voice.

When it’s Minki instead, for a moment he starts, confused, but then he remembers that it’s only a remake. Minhyun’s not there. He remembers the first recording they did of Hello, the first first recording, back in 2013. Minhyun had been young then, with a plumper face, bangs that covered all his forehead, and shining eyes. 

He had been nervous. They had already been in the recording room for Face and Action, and their others songs on the album, but he had been fretting about the high notes and if he was going to be able to reach them. Jonghyun remembers reaching across the couch, grabbing his hand, and whispering; “It’s going to be fine because you’re amazing.” They had been only seventeen, too young to think much about these things before bandmates. They were friends, they’re still friends now, because what happened during Produce 101 was a moment of confusion.

 _If it was a moment of confusion, why does it still hurt now?_ Jonghyun shakes the thought away and turns over to sleep, turning off his phone completely. He’s exhausted and he wants to actually sleep tonight. No more staring at the phone he decides. It’s pointless, worthless, and it only makes him tired. He needs rest, not stress.

They drop Hello on July 14th. It hits one million quickly, more quickly than any of them every anticipated. Soon it’s topping the charts, something their other music never did, and their old songs are rising and it’s more than any of them hoped. Jonghyun is proud of how hard everyone has worked, and he tells them that, adding in that he’s glad they have all risen above Minhyun’s absence because he knows that that’s what they want him to say. He feels hypocritical saying that, because they don’t know that he is weak and he misses Minhyun and he hasn’t risen above that yet. They’re all stronger and better than he will ever be.

“It’s all thanks to you.” Dongho says and then they’re all hugging him and he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve them, but he lets them hug him. After they’re gone he sinks to the floor of the studio and cries, really cries. He gave up everything to be an idol, Nu’est did, and it was hard. Of course it was hard. He was the only male trainee at the company, and he was alone in all aspects.

When the other trainees came it got better, he had other people to hang out with and talk to, and then they learned that they would be getting the very chance they trained for; to debut. Face blows up, bigger than anyone expected it to, and they’re happy. He’s happy, because they’re sixteen and young and out of anyone who has debuted that year, they’re doing the best. They’re one of the best.

Jonghyun doesn’t know what happened between Face and Action, only that Action flops. Not flops exactly, it still does somewhat well, but it’s nothing near what Face did. So they work harder, the company pushing them hard, all those eyes _expecting_ them to make it big. They’re almost seventeen, Aron nineteen, and it’s stressful. It’s around that time when they’re pushing for a comeback that Jonghyun’s Insomnia starts. 

At night, when it’s too quiet, sleep eludes him. He goes to the practice room and dances late into the night, working until his legs are jello and he can’t move and falls to his knees and wonders just what he’s doing wrong. He’s the leader after all, it must be his fault, it has to be his fault because it can’t be anyone else’s fault. Something, he’s not motivating them enough, or working hard enough, or being efficient or responsible and the thoughts muddle in his head until it’s like the world’s shouting at him that he’s a failure. Jonghyun still feels that way.

Hello comes out in February, 2013, and it gets less attention than Action does. The same thing happens with Sleep Talking and just as they’re starting to actually despair Pledis whisks them away to China. Jason joins with them, with ‘Nu’est M’, and honestly he’s a bit of a jerk. Jonghyun’s glad, secretly of course, when he leaves. 

It’s 2014 when they release Good Bye Bye and before they have a chance to properly promote that, they get sent to Japan to promote. The company says it’s too expand their reach, but Jonghyun knows they’re doing horribly in Korea. It’s looking like they’ll be one of those one hit wonders, Face their one hit. It’s the company’s mistake of course, if they’re doing bad they should promote more and have an amazing comeback, but Pledis wants to just wants Korea to forget about their failures.

I’m Bad is another fail, and now hardly anyone knows about it. To cover up that mess, they release another Japanese single and and album with that. By now the future looks bleak-and it’s exactly that. Overcome is released and it too flops. They promote as much as they can, but by now their career is pretty much unsalvageable. Jonghyun tries to elevate the mood, tries to make them have belief, but again he’s such a hypocrite because he has lost faith. He feels like the worst leader in the world.

Love Paint is beautiful, a piece of art, but it does the same as Overcome. Minhyun and he have a music video for Daybreak and Jonghyun appreciates the time he has with just Minhyun. Minhyun has never expected him to be more than who he was. Jonghyun remembers when they had just debuted and Jonghyun had been assigned leader, the words Minhyun had told him. _You’re sixteen. Don’t be afraid to act like you’re age._

But it’s hard to give other people hope when you don’t have hope yourself. The company thought they were failures, nobody had hope left for them, they were on their way to disbandment. Then, Produce 101. Jonghyun heard the whispers, he knew what the other trainees and people watching thought. And Kahi, Kahi who had taught him how to dance, was there to see them in all their failures.

After the Fear performance, Minhyun comes up to him and cries. Jonghyun holds him and tells him that it’s going to be okay and that’s all he can do, say that it’s going to be okay, because the future isn’t certain and he can’t say anything else without it feeling like a lie. “You need to tell me if you need me.” Minhyun had sobbed into his shoulder. Jonghyun hugs him tighter. “I’m fine. I’m fine, Minhyunnie.” 

Minhyun always knew when he wasn’t fine. Throughout the rest of Produce 101, Jonghyun actually starts to have hope that they might make it, or if not all of them, at least him and Minhyun though he doesn’t like to think that thought because he wants all the members to make it. Then BoA starts saying “14th place is….” And he saw her face and he knew that it was all over. Even as she says; “Pledis Kim Jonghyun.” He’s already putting on a smile because he wants Minhyun to see that this hasn’t hurt him, so it  
shouldn’t hurt Minhyun. Now that he thinks about it, his whole life has been making sure Minhyun is okay. Minhyun has been his one stronghold and now he doesn’t even have Minhyun. He has nobody, nothing, to hold onto.

Minhyun cries when he wins. Jonghyun remembers that and he knows it’s because of him, because Minhyun always said that it’s pointless to win if he can’t win with the rest of them up there with him. Jonghyun jumps him and hugs him and he lets Minhyun see that he’s smiling, but Minhyun still cries. Minhyun shouldn’t be crying. Jonghyun wants, needs, him to be happy.

Jonghyun doesn’t know how long he cries, but it has to be over an hour. In the darkness, he has a sudden irrational urge to pick up his phone and call Minhyun. To spill out his feelings in a rush and just cry some more and listen to Minhyun’s voice, telling him that it was fine and he was fine and Minhyun was fine, because Minhyun was the only who was able to make him believe that.

But he can’t. He doesn’t want to unload all his problems on Minhyun when Minhyun needs to focus on his debut. Still. He wants Minhyun. He needs Minhyun to breathe and survive.

 

 _“One day we’ll make it big and we’ll make it big together.” It was months before their debut, Minhyun and Jonghyun were sitting together in the practice room. Jonghyun smiled and hit Minhyun. “One day is a while away.” Minhyun pulled him closer. “Shut up you Wartortle.”_

~

Minhyun misses Jonghyun. He misses him so much that it hurts him, an aching pain in his chest that keeps him up at night. Jonghyun hasn’t called or texted. Then again, Minhyun hasn’t exactly called or texted him. He should. If he doesn’t things will remain between them, shoving them apart, until he barely knows Jonghyun.

But he can’t. He’s a coward who’s finger only hovers over Jonghyun’s contact name and never presses it. In the end he only throws his phone onto the bed and buries his face in his pillow, wishing he’d done something differently. He messed up. He knew he messed up. 

Wanna One moves into their dorms the following week. Minhyun has stopped crying by then, though no one knows he’s been crying, he’s careful to keep that inside and be happy for the others. He doesn’t want them to be burdened. He ends up sharing a room with Jaehwan, Jihoon, Guanlin, and Woojin. There’s a joke made about how he’s stuck with the messy people, but he doesn’t really mind. Even the maknae isn’t that bothersome, Minhyun knows that Jonghyun liked Guanlin and therefore he likes Guanlin too.

It’s hard to feel like he belongs. He doesn’t belong. He belongs with Nu’est, he belongs at Pledis, he belongs with Jonghyun. But he goes on with Wanna One because they’re his group now, they will be for over a year and a half. So Minhyun smiles for them, because if he has learned anything at all from his five years of being part of Nu’est, it is to smile even when there’s no reason to. He learned that from Jonghyun. Jonghyun taught him a lot of things.

They’re busy, recording an album, learning dances, preparing for debut, and they have to film a ton of reality shows on top of that, including their own. It’s actually a blessing for Minhyun, because the less time he has to think the less he thinks of Jonghyun and what he left behind by joining Wanna One. He left behind a lot. But mainly Jonghyun.

When Aron and Jonghyun hold a vlive, he watches every minute of it. When Aron mentions his sweater, he thinks about the time Jonghyun forgot his jacket back at the dorms and they had to share a sweater. It makes him smile, a genuine smile for once, as he remembers the feeling of skin touching and Jonghyun’s pouting and smile. Jonghyun’s real smile, not the one he put on day after day as the future got worse and worse.

After seeing and hearing Jonghyun talk, knowing that he’s happy back with Nu’est and Aron where he belongs, the whole day feels easier. Minhyun feels better and he throws in all he has. He decides it’s time to move on and accept that he is part of Wanna One. 

Then he finds out about the 2017 remake of Hello. That night he cries again, not wanting but doing so anyway. They can’t have forgotten him that fast. He knows that they haven’t, but he also knows the management wants the fans to. It hurts Minhyun, it hurts a lot. It’s like it’s the finale again and he can only cry silently and pretend to be happy. It makes him wonder if this was how Jonghyun felt all those years leading them, smiling but not truly happy.

The night it drops he goes and sits in his room alone, plugging in his earbuds. He clicks on the notification and settles back to listen. The beginning is beautiful, Minki hitting the notes perfectly. It must have taken him a long time to hit Minhyun’s range, he must have practiced a lot, until his throat is raw. They did that a lot back when they were all a band together. 

He listens on, each words like a bard to his heart because the whole song is beautiful. They have thrown everything into this, this work of art. And it’s so good that Minhyun can’t help thinking that maybe they don’t need him to come back. They’re doing perfectly well on their own, they’re showing the world that Produce 101 has not hurt them but instead made them stronger. 

But then-Jonghyun. His voice is desperate, hurt and despair dripping from the words, and it tells their story without him having to say any words. Minhyun thinks of the Fear performance and it reminds him of Jonghyun now.

 

_To Minhyun, the world ends when Jonghyun is called as fourteenth place. He barely hears Sungwoon declared eleventh place, all he can think is that Jonghyun was supposed to make it, they were supposed to make it together. Except, they didn’t. He made it alone and people congratulate him, hugging, and he congratulates the others but it’s like some stranger is saying the words._

_There was no point to winning if he didn’t win with someone else, if he wasn’t entering this new stage of his life with Jonghyun by his side. He starts crying and when Dongho hugs him he can’t even look Dongho in the eye. He could’ve pushed one of them out of the chance to winning, he realizes, people voting for him and not them and therefore it could be his fault. His own stupid fault for dropping and making people vote for him and making Jonghyun and Dongho stuck at places fourteen and thirteen._

_Minhyun goes to a space alone to finally sob, and that’s where Jonghyun finds him. He feels Jonghyun’s arms wrap around him and he turns, falling against him, Jonghyun the only thing holding him up. “I’m sorry.” Jonghyun whispers. “I’m sorry I can’t join you. I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough. Do well Minhyunnie.” He pulls away and is turning to leave, and he can’t leave._

_Minhyun grabs his wrist, pulling him back. “I don’t need an apology.” He says quietly. Jonghyun stops leaving and Minhyun takes the opportunity to pull him close again and bury his face in Jonghyun’s shoulder. “I just need you.” He can feel Jonghyun’s fists tighten in the fabric of Minhyun’s jacket._

_“Besides, it’s me who should be sorry.” He adds after a moment. “Please don’t be.” Jonghyun says. Minhyun holds him tighter. “You don’t need to pretend anymore Jonghyun. You don’t have to act like it’s okay for me.” Jonghyun has always been shorter than him, and now he uses that to sink into Minhyun’s arms._

_“I’m not okay. I know you don’t want me to say this, but I’m sorry Minhyun. I’m so so sorry. But please, don’t feel sad because of me. You made it. You did it Minhyun. You alone were the strongest, able to make it this far.” Even as Jonghyun says it, Minhyun is thinking about how that’s a lie. Jonghyun is the strongest, he lead every single group he was in and sacrificed center time and lines so that the other group members had a better choice of making it and he smiled and he accepted all the blame and he apologized. Minhyun hates that Jonghyun is forced to apologize over and over again when he isn’t the one to blame._

_Jonghyun continues to talk, comforting him, and Minhyun starts crying again, huge heaving sobs. He staggers a little bit and Jonghyun holds him even tighter, pulls him even closer. “Wo ai ni.” Minhyun mumbles. Jonghyun stiffens. “What?” “I love you.” Minhyun repeats. He does, he always has, since they were trainees and Jonghyun taught him how to dance and move. He was there for Jonghyun when the stress was too much and he was made leader to a group that inevitably failed._

_There’s not a response and Minhyun sobs harder. “Saranghae. Saranghae.” He keeps repeating that until the ‘saranghaes’ mix into ‘mianhaes’. It’s hard to talk around the tears, but Jonghyun gets it and eventually Minhyun just dissolves into pure tears. When the episode finally ends and they have to break apart, Jonghyun hugs him one last time and as he pulls away, whispers; “Saranghae.”_

Hello finishes and Minhyun fell back onto the bed. Tears are threatening at the corner of his eyes and he slowly takes out his earbuds and then, in a split second decision, goes to his contacts. His finger hovers over a name and, then, he does something he hasn’t done in a long time.

He calls Jonghyun.

**Author's Note:**

> I have an idea for a sequel to this, and if this gets good feedback I might write it. Thank you for reading and please tell me what you thought. Thanks! Also, I fixed the italicization.


End file.
